Super Metroid/Metroid 3 has been a thorn in my retro side since the day I gave it a spin in the electronics department of the Framingham Lechmere, circa 1993. I was eight then, and yet twenty years later I still remember the pain from the crick in my neck and the persistent headache I got trying to wrap my head around what the magic was behind this title. For me, Super Metroid was a title that had accomplished so much, yet failed on the most essential level of conveyance and accessibility. It had always been just out of reach for me; tempting, yet never broaching that threshold of "hooked". Alas, I had never played Metroid 3 past two or three hours, and had never beaten it.
Thus Super Metroid sits on the shelf of "games I probably should have beaten but seriously the hell with that" such as Final Fantasy 7, Legend of Zelda anything, Sonic the Hedgehog 2, and so on. However, the games previously listed are all surmountable if I simply look beyond the monumental scope of the task at hand. FF7 is beatable, but I don't have an entire work-week to dedicate to it before wanting to move onto something else. Same with LoZ. Sonic 2 fell into the trap of high difficulty with limited continues (a-la Contra 3). But each of these titles I can look back with rose-colored glasses and appreciate them for what they are, and enjoy the time I had with them.
Super Metroid? No. Screw that. The nostalgic Super Metroid replays that go through my head always end in the same wrenched, twisted feeling of frustration and consternation. It's a veritable cocktail of anger and sadness that was just enough to make me shut off my console without actually breaking any peripherals in the process. Super Metroid, no matter how many times I try it, is simply not for me.
Naturally, someone pounced. And if anybody's going to pounce, it's RJ. I'll spare the bulk of the Facebook sparring, save for the notion that I was prepared to come to blows if he wasn't half a nation away. However, he was able to boil his argument down to a single, minute, and ever-stinging point:
RJ: "You are a tremendous hypocrite for not having finished [Super Metroid]."
Yes, I love retro gaming - especially touching on the 16-bit era through the leading edge of the Fifth Generation of gaming. By RJ's assertion, simultaneously loving retro and hating/not completing Super Metroid is not a permissible state of existence - sort of like throwing Mentos into a pool of Diet Coke and not getting a carbonated Hiroshima as a result. It's simply not done.
Challenge made. Gauntlet thrown. I have a tremendous ego and it must be cleansed of this blemish. I will complete Super Metroid, and I will document it in narrative form within the walls of D-Sub9.
I will also make the following preemptive assertions:
- The first two hours don't count. The introduction and setup are fantastic and I would never argue that. There does, however, come a point where the game throws you headlong at a cement wall and blames you for the head trauma that results. That's where the burning hatred begins.
- I will document everything, positive or negative, including instances where I have to call for help.
- I will not ask RJ for help, because in this case that's like asking Andrew Dice Clay for pickup line tips.
- I will mark each article with total play time, so I can keep track of just how much crap (read: backtracking and carpet-bombing) I've had to gone through. Other bloggers of similar fate have completed Super Metroid in the 9-hour range. I'll use that as my baseline.
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